The author describes a personal experience of working in a toxic environment that led to self-doubt and emotional exhaustion. For a long time, she believed the problem was her own inability to handle stress.
Each Sunday evening, she felt anxious about the coming week. Her chest tightened when certain emails arrived. Before meetings, she rehearsed what to say, trying to avoid mistakes. She told herself she needed to be tougher and more resilient.
From the outside, the workplace appeared normal. The organization was respected, and the leadership team was admired. The person causing the most stress was charismatic and highly regarded by others. This made it hard to trust her own feelings.
There was no obvious bullying or shouting. Instead, the harm came from small, repeated incidents. Conversations left her feeling ashamed. Criticism was disguised as advice. She often walked away confused, wondering if she had misunderstood what happened.
The team dynamics were inconsistent. She was praised warmly at times, but ignored or undermined at other times. This pattern kept her constantly trying to prove herself. She became more careful, accommodating, and self-critical.
Over time, she lost trust in her own judgment. She second-guessed simple decisions and apologized constantly. She became emotionally exhausted from monitoring other people’s moods and trying to avoid conflict.
During a team meeting, she realized the work environment mirrored her childhood home. The charismatic boss acted like a narcissist, surrounded by people who minimized or excused the toxic behavior. She recognized this as narcissistic abuse in the workplace.
A friend asked her, “Do you actually feel safe there?” The question surprised her because she had never considered emotional safety at work. She assumed professionalism meant tolerating discomfort and pushing through.
She did not feel able to speak openly without consequences. She did not feel comfortable making mistakes. She was not calm or secure. Everyone competed for the boss’s approval, which she later saw was used strategically.
Admitting this was painful, but it marked a turning point. She stopped seeing her anxiety as a personal failure and started recognizing it as information. Her body was responding to an environment that kept her in self-doubt.
Healing took time. She had to rebuild confidence and reconnect with her own voice. She stopped minimizing her experience and stopped blaming herself for being affected by it.
The author notes that many people carry workplace experiences they have not fully acknowledged. The harm does not always look dramatic from the outside. Sometimes it simply looks like slowly becoming smaller, quieter, and more uncertain of yourself.
After leaving the job, she felt almost instant relief. Her confidence and self-trust quickly returned. She understood that her response was normal for someone in a toxic situation with narcissistic dynamics.
The experience helped her recognize similar patterns later. She says it is not uncommon to find yourself in familiar dynamics at work, even if those dynamics are not healthy.
Dr. Sarah Davies is a chartered counseling psychologist and trauma therapist based in London. She is the author of three self-help guides on recovery from narcissistic abuse and toxic relationships, including “Narcissists At Work.”
