Suze Orman said that a big part of financial freedom is having the heart and mind free from worry about the what-ifs of life. The author of this story grew up with parents who often fought about money because they did not have much of it. Her mother was an occasional spender, while her father would make her wear shoes that were a size smaller just to save money. This conflict created tension, and eventually her father demanded that her mother give him her entire salary to manage. She had to ask for an allowance even for menstrual pads or coffee. The author now understands this type of dynamic is called financial abuse.
When her mother left her father, it became difficult to support the family financially because she was earning less than her father had. Still, she wanted her children to have more. At age twelve, the author went with her mother to a clothing store called Mango. She loved the store but could never buy anything there because it was too expensive. She saw a black sweater for about $20, which was the weekly grocery budget. She begged her mother to buy it. Her mother gave in. At the register, the author saw the stress on her mother’s face from spending that money. She felt guilt and shame for being the reason her mother was stressed.
Years later, the author realized that moment shaped how she saw money. She unconsciously decided she was not deserving of having more money. In her twenties, she became an extreme saver. At twenty-two she moved to the United States as an au pair. She saved money while living with a generous family. After that, she moved to Florida and began to learn how the financial system works in the U.S. Her husband told her she needed to build credit. She got her first credit card. That was when her saving habits weakened.
She was used to a different standard of living in Slovakia. Starting from zero in the U.S., she worked as a customer service representative. She spent money on manicures, pedicures, haircuts, and the desire to live the high life because she was in America. At the end of the month she had nothing left. The breaking point came when she had a tooth emergency. She had insurance but did not know she would have to pay a large portion out of pocket. After the emergency, the receptionist told her the out-of-pocket cost was $1,600. She did not have that money. The receptionist offered a payment plan. That started her path of debt cycles.
After about eight years of personal loans, medical debt, a car loan, and about six credit cards, she hit rock bottom and filed for bankruptcy. She could not understand why she was responsible and reliable in other areas but failed with money. Her payment history was perfect, so she joked that she was “responsibly broke.” The bankruptcy was a turning point. She sat in her studio apartment and asked how she got there. She recognized three things: she never healed her money blocks and beliefs, she refused to educate herself about money, and she used debt to finance a lifestyle she could not afford.
She made a commitment to never find herself in that position again. She bought her first financial book, Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey. The first step was to save $1,000. She did not see how she could do it, but she started with $50, then $100, then $200. Within two months she saved her first $1,000. That was less about money and more about self-trust and rebuilding confidence. Step by step over the years, she opened her first brokerage account and started investing. She stays away from credit cards regardless of rewards.
Looking back, she offers three pieces of advice. First, address financial trauma. Many people have limiting beliefs about money that hold them back. A short moment in a clothing store directed twenty years of financial stress for her. Money affects the nervous system and mental well-being. For many people living paycheck to paycheck, it is a combination of bad habits, a negative relationship with money, and lack of knowledge. Second, spirituality and money can coexist. She grew up atheist and later saw money as materialistic, avoiding her financial trauma. But she learned it is important to be practical and logical. One cannot reach higher states of consciousness when stuck in survival mode. Third, learn about money.
